It's been almost a month now since I've been placed on administrative leave with out pay (LWOP) after refusing to submit to this illegal, immoral, and unethical clot shot mandate edict, issued by the Trudeau government. During this time, I've had a lot of time to reflect on many aspects of my career and, particularly, where it's taken me and where I intend to go from here.
Suffice to say, I think I'm pretty much done with law enforcement work in the sense that I'll ever be returning to duty. I think I may have said this in a previous post, but it bears repeating here. I just don't think I can go back to what I did before with the same attitude that I had prior to all this coming down.
It's not that I was naive - in all my many years working in and being exposed to the immense stupidity that seems to be inherent in public service work, I had the opportunity to see firsthand the depths to which many public servants (especially management) can sink. Deep down, I think I always suspected that my mettle would be tested by having to go up against them, even though I went out of my way to focus on my duties and, really, just earn an honest day's pay for an honest day's work. But in that, I don't think any thing really prepares a person for the day when the curtain comes down and you get to see, once and for all, what you REALLY amount to, in the eyes of those you serve.
I always knew that my efforts didn't amount to jack shit. After my 25 or 30 or however long I could tolerate the endless slew of bullshit that is part and parcel to working for a law enforcement agency (or any government department, really), I'd be maybe given a lame retirement party and a shitty plaque then be promptly shown the door. In a week, nobody would remember I existed. I never had a problem with that.
No, for me, the issue is that I don't think I can take any of it seriously anymore. Whether it's the grossly inadequate and incompetent 'leadership', the constant acceptance of lowered expectations and half-assed work being passed off as 'first rate', or the so-called 'core values' which we're supposed to live and breathe and are supposed to be reflected in everything we say or do, in the end, I realize once and for all that it's all just bullshit.
So for me, in my heart and soul, I can't do it anymore. I am not quitting my job right now due to legal and personal circumstances, but in essence, I have no intentions of returning to work in this field ever again. A year ago, not only would I have never pictured myself saying that, but I never even fathomed the circumstances that would cause me to say something like that.
I would, however, like to take this opportunity to extend a hearty 'fuck you' to all my co-workers whom I've come across over the years who willfully and zealously 'bent the knee' and complied with the mandate. I'm NOT talking about the people who were coerced and blackmailed into getting the shot because you were put in a position where you had no other choice. It's, in large part, for you that I continue to fight on and not give in - your sacrifices should not be in vain and the people responsible for this should be held to account.
I'm talking about the kool-aid swilling company men/women who, in their own smug and pompous manner, bent over and willingly took it up the ass for the company that no more gives a shit about them than it does me or anyone else. I'm talking about the assholes who arrogantly demand that everyone out there submit to this tyrannical mandate and deem, from atop their high horse, that anyone who doesn't comply deserves to be treated as ruthlessly and viciously as circumstances allow.
You fucking people. All you did was prove that you, and the force you serve, is only as good as your masters allow you to be. You proved that, in spite of any trite and banal apologies for past wrongdoings, you'll step up to the plate and continue these very same misdeeds under the pretense of 'following orders'. And most importantly, you proved to me that you do not give a good God damn about the public you serve, only your own self interests. You sold your soul, your balls, and helped forfeit the rights and freedoms of people in the entire country you swore an oath to serve and protect, for a fucking paycheck. You proved your 'core values' and 'ethics' are nothing more than a terrible joke. In my eyes, each and every one of you are traitors. Should you never face justice in this lifetime; should the evil forces you are actively aiding who are leading the world into tyranny and despair prevail, I truly hope there is a special place in Hell for each and every one of you. You deserve it, and you can be rest assured that I will be waiting for you there.
I think that, above all else, is the main reason I can't put on my uniform again. It's not just abstracts like the image, or freedom, or rights, or liberties. People go to war for these things, yes. But they fight for the people in the trench next to them. But this experience has really caused me to lose pretty much all manner of reverence for some of the people I was in the trenches with. They aren't people I trust and respect enough that I would put my life in their hands.
It's a truly disgusting state of affairs, to be sure. But unfortunately, I don't know if there's any going back. As those loathsome bastards who engineered this entire matter like to say, this is the 'new normal'.